Rant Back

Thursday, 21 August 2008

The Religious Pill

Did I mention I'm an atheist?

Oh, don't act so shocked about it. Trust me, there's a lot of Bruneians who are atheists or agnostics. And I don't blame them.

And no, I didn't skip the whole religious education system. And no, I didn't spend my whole entire life out of Brunei. In fact, I spent my whole entire fucking life before this in Brunei. Of course in Brunei you can't really have a fucking life, literally. For me at least, it was difficult. Trying to find a place to fuck in Brunei for me was fucking impossible. Or impossible fucking, as I like to call it.

I know the spots, I know the hidden corners. Even in school I knew there were people sucking girls' tits in classrooms and fucking their respective partners senseless in Centrepoint toilets. But I don't know enough to go around. My sex life in Brunei was entirely uneventful.

Okay, back to religious school, or Sekolah Ugama. Tauhid was a bitch to understand. Nothing made less sense to me than trying to justify God's existence through some very pathetic 'proofs,' if that's what you wanna call it. I can't believe they're brainwashing kids with this stuff. Illogical, nonsensical proofs that even with the slightest scrutiny by my 7-year-old brain, was found to be a load of bullshit. A whole lotta crap.

Sekolah Ugama is a brainwashing machine. That's what it is.

So I guess I become an agnostic at age 7. I think that's quite impressive, don't you think? And then a few years (maybe even a decade) after that, I became an atheist.

When a guy, say Richard Dawkins, criticises religion, people criticise him because they say religion is too easy a target. That it shouldn't be taken literally. That the Bible, the Quran, whatever, shouldn't be translated literally. That religion makes people happy. Bla de bla de bla.

Okay. In the first place, why is it such an easy target? Because it's bullshit. Religion (especially organised) makes itself too easy a target with its claim of miracles and messiatic phropecies and saviours.

And a lot of people take the religious books literally. Brunei is a good example. I don't even have to elaborate on that.

Religion makes people happy? Maybe so, but illusory happiness is still illusory. It's a damn god illusion. See, a drunk person is happy, but that happiness is illusory. Religion is a drug, and a strong one at that. As Karl Marx said, it is the opium for the masses. Of course someone argued once that opium is the opium for the masses, but that's way besides the point.

One might say religion is the only way one can become moral. But that again, is just bullshit. I'll discuss that soon.

Thursday, 14 August 2008

One Earth Under Gay

I think lesbians are slowly taking over the Mall in Gadong.

I'm being serious. They're so ubiquitous we don't notice them anymore. Oh, by the way, ubiquitous basically in this context means all over the fucking place.

Okay, I'm all for unrepressed sexuality here, but it seems to me here, it's just a trend. A fad. The cool thing to be. If you're a not-so-good-looking, weight-challenged female (hey, I'm trying to be politically correct here, give me a break), then being a delightful homosexual is the cool thing to be.

I wonder when being gay (boy on boy) will be cool. Imagine two guys holding hands walking around the Mall. Imagine the ruckus. I want to see that. I'll pay good money to see two black-clad emos from SOAS booking a couple seat at the Cineplex.

But if this is what I hope it is, I think it's good. I mean, people embracing their sexuality. That's all fine and dandy.

I don't like people who say homosexuality is unnatural. If it's so unnatural, then it would be unnatural to think that it would happen so often in nature. But it does. In fact, a lot more than we would like to think. Here's a list of animals that scientists have observed to display homosexual behaviour:

Elephants, bears, rats, buffalos, cats, cheetahs, dolphins, chickens, gulls, salmons, frogs, lizards, snakes, dogs, raccoons, penguins, koalas, whales, guinea pigs, chimpanzees, goats, squirrels, antelopes, seals, horses, chipmunks, shrews, possums, sheep, monkeys, deers, rabbits, kangaroos, hyenas, tasmanian devils, gazelles, bats, warthogs, giraffes, foxes, gorillas, manatees, orangutans, mice.

That's just a small part of the list. You can google 'animal sexuality' if you want. In fact, it is widely believed that there are very few species found with no homosexual behaviour.

Does that mean it justifies homosexuality in humans? Not necessarily, but hey, it throws the 'unnaturalness' argument out of the 36th-fucking-floor window.

I'm straight by the way. Mostly. I think. I've got a girlfriend. That's got to count for something, doesn't it?

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

You're So Laughable

A lot of people in Brunei are so image-fucking-conscious.

Everything we're asked to do is to some degree to make a good impression on the people currently watching you and judging you and watching you more carefully, and then scrutinizing that bulge in your pants as you're fantasizing about that girl at the 'kem perempuan' (at an orang-kahwin) being naked and licking your abs (which in real life don't exist), then stripping you down to nothing, then...

Oh, I'm sorry. I got carried away there.

The point is, everything you do in Brunei is constantly being scrutinized. To the smallest detail. What? You got back home last night two minutes late? Oh, you must be fucking the neighbour or that guy your mum saw you were with for two seconds in the Mall. You want to move out and be independent? Oh, you must be having orgies every night.

Bruneians are also sex-obsessed, as you can tell. And I won't deny it, I'm including myself. But really, even the people who aren't having it are ranting about it. It's borne out of an inner desire to get laid themselves. It's a case of if "I'm not getting laid, nobody else will". Sure, they won't admit it. Hell, they would even say that it's not that, it's religion. It's this. It's that.

Sure, I buy that. Totally.

Hey, it's not all about sex.

Public image.

Don't do that. The neighbours will think this. Don't do this. Your uncles and aunts will think that. It always ends with "what will the [insert appropriate group of people] think/say?" Or, or. What will God say?

I have a problem with this argument. A very severe problem.

I think people who use God in every argument are arrogant, assholes and asexual. How's that for alliteration? First of all, who the fuck are you to declare yourself God's chosen representative on Earth? Okay, maybe that's over the top. What I'm saying is, don't pass judgment on someone based on what you think God thinks.

By the way, I'm an atheist. I think the concept of a God, or even gods, laughable.

But just to show how much of a nice guy I am, I'm arguing the point as if I believe in the Almighty Himself is looking over me.

So, does it offend you, yeah?

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Get Laid & Get With It

My first post. I'm fucking damn god excited. What shall I write then?

Oh, have I already offended you? I'm flattered. That was, really, my intention of starting up this blog. To offend as many people as possible. And along the way to entertain and put a smile to that face that just can't wait to get laid, at least deep inside.

So people, you need to get laid. That's the bottom line.

And by you, I mean all those uptight, morally self-righteous, judgemental fuckers who panic and run around in circles shitting themselves at the slight mention of sex.

These people are the one who need to get laid the most urgently. I don't care how, I don't care where, just make it happen. Be it in Thailand (no child-sex please, you sick fuckers) or Soho, or even with your orgasm-starved husband/wife (if you're married, or if you're not, just pretend the one you're having sex with is indeed someone you're married to). As soon as fucking possible.

The next advice is: Calm the fuck down.

You don't need to police every single thing that's happening around you. Unless it affects you or society directly, shut the fuck up. We don't want to hear your hypocritical bullshit being vomitted out of your cock-starved lips.

Thanks very much for reading my very first Jason Biggs Kills post