Trying to start writing again after a long rest feels like getting up from bed after sleeping with Angelina Jolie. You feel a creeping desire to retreat again into your deep, warm slumber in the hands of your Lara Croft.
Yes, it's me, the foul-mouthed, Jolie-obsessed, sex-deprived (well...) friend, Jason Biggs, saying happy 2009. To the whole lot of you.
Now I'm here to tell you what to do with your year. It's my time to preach. Hand over the fucking mic, Ustaz. I'm here to teach these pre-pubescent kids a lesson.
(1) Laugh at as many nonsensical bans as you can. Then think. Are there underlying things under these fuckingly preposterous bans? Like a fear of feminism? Or a fear of intellectual provocation? Or simply laughable decision-making ? Or maybe even all three?
(2) Make fun of homophobes. Call them names. Like gay-hater or something. And tell them this research find: it's the homophobes who get the most turned on while watching gay porn. Yes, it's true. He doth protest too much ain't just a saying. The people who blabber on about how homosexuality is wrong is usually insecure about their sexuality. People who are straight and comfortable with their sexuality usually don't have a problem with gays.
(3) Racists are idiots. Tell them so to their face. Tell them stuff about us all being related in terms of genes and other things. If they're still not listening, ask them what they think if you're American and started shouting "Damn fucking lazy Malays" or something. Please adjust stereotype for people of other ethnic backgrounds.
(4) Don't let me tell you what to do. Think for yourself.
Don't let anyone tell you what to think. Not even me. I'm here to get you thinking. Just one point of view, a purveyor of my own truth.
Never accept any ideology wholesale. Scrutinise every fucking thing. Every little fucking detail. If one aspect seems right, it doesn't mean the whole thing will work.
Fucking assholes.
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