How To Be A (Non-)Believer

I saw this posted on someone's Facebook. From the tone, I'm thinking it's supposed to be satire. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a bit biased, but this isn't funny at all. I've read some Christian comics and some are actually quite funny. This, not so much.

Source is here

http://ourdailythoughts.com/2009/04/13/how-to-be-an-atheist/

How to be an Atheist:

1. Refute everything in the Bible because men wrote it.
2. Believe and quote other writings of men to prove that the Bible is wrong.
3. Completely ignore the inconsistency between steps 1 & 2.
4. Call yourself a “freethinker” and “open minded” but don’t practice such virtues when it comes to Christianity.
5. Try to laugh out loud every time a Christian makes a statement about what they believe even if you don’t think it’s really that funny. This helps avoid a “serious” conversation.
6. Always bring up Zeus, Allah, and Santa Claus to prove that if you must believe in one God then you have to believe in all of them otherwise it’s just not fair.
7. When referring to the Bible use the word “myth” as often as possible and call believers whatever names you want because the goal is to frustrate the Christian so that his sinful nature comes out and he gets angry and then you can call him a hypocrite.
8. Set your own moral standards very very very low so that you’ll never look like a hypocrite yourself. The lower the better.
9. Never answer a question directly but quickly change the subject to make a completely different point. If you’re asked why you keep changing the subject just repeat this step as necessary.
10. Be as argumentative, loud, sarcastic and verbal as possible – there is no need to make sense or use logic in your arguments – just keep arguing.
11. Use words like “strawman,” “ad hominem,” “fallacy,” “red herring” and non sequiturs” against every argument whether you understand those terms or not.
12. Claim that atheism is rooted in “common sense” even though less than 10% of the human population claim to be atheists.
13. Reject all notions of faith even though you must put your faith in pilots, cars, food, doctors, evolution, and the next chair that you sit in.
14. Always ask for evidence for God but never accept anything presented to you. At the end of a discussion remind them that all you needed was some evidence for God.
15. Quote only the Bible verses that make God look mean and unfair.
16. Talk about being a good person remembering that you are allowed to define good however you would like because there is no objective moral standard.
17. Say that you have read the Bible and that you understand what it teaches whether this is true or not.
18. Only pick on Christians – you don’t want to get killed in a Jihad. However, be sure to say that there is no difference between Radical Muslims and Fundamentalist Christians.
19. Always use the crusades to make the point above.
20. Remember that you are looking for faults in other worldviews not trying to defend your own – do not try to prove atheism! Remember, it’s much easier to destroy than build up.
21. Make the claim that you only have one life and don’t want to waste it on religion.
22. If your conscience begins to bother you because of moral guilt you can numb it with drugs, alcohol, sex, or pride. You can give up the first three but never give up your pride.
23. Everyday feel free to thank God that you’re an atheist – just in case.

Then I tried to reply, using the exact same devices this person applied. But hey, as soon as I pressed 'Submit,' the words 'awaiting moderation' suddenly popped up. So there I was thinking, wait, there's a chance my reply will be moderated out. So here I've posted my own.

1. Believe everything in the Bible because ‘God’ wrote it.
2. Believe and quote the Bible to prove that the Bible is infallible.
3. Completely ignore the inconsistency between steps 1 & 2.
4. Call yourself a “tolerant” person and “open minded” but don’t practice such virtues when it comes to Atheism.
5. Try to laugh out loud every time am Atheist makes a statement about what they don’t believe even if you don’t think it’s really that funny. This helps avoid a “serious” conversation.
6. Always bring up the existence of everything to prove that there is a God and ignore the argument that this is a ‘God of the Gaps’ fallacy.
7. When referring to the Bible use the words “accurate” and “historically” together as often as possible and call unbelievers whatever names you want because the goal is to frustrate the Atheists so that his sinful nature comes out and he gets angry and then you can call him a hypocrite.
8. Act as if your moral standards are higher than everyone else. Stereotype atheists as morally-suspect people and cast them as evil.
9. Never answer a question directly but quickly change the subject to make a completely different point. If you’re asked why you keep changing the subject just repeat this step as necessary.
10. Be as ignorant, close-minded, dismissive and verbal as possible – there is no need to make sense or use logic in your arguments – just keep arguing.
11. Use words like “sin,” “hellfire,” “saviour,” “Satan” and “Jesus loves you, no matter what” even when the other person clearly doesn’t believe in them.
12. Claim that Christianity is rooted in “faith” even though faith is just another word for blind belief.
13. Try to use the “faith” argument back to the atheists even though science is not faith, it is a method of finding truth through rigorous experimentation and rationalism.
14. Always ask for evidence for the non-existence of God but never accept anything presented to you. At the end of a discussion remind them that all you needed was some evidence for the non-existence of God.
15. Quote only the Bible verses that make God look good and fair.
16. Talk about being a good person remembering that moral standards have change dramatically over the centuries.
17. Say that you have read the Bible and that you understand what it teaches whether this is true or not.
18. Believe that people only pick on Christians – Christians are the victims! We all know Christians have been discriminated against more than Atheists.
19. Always use Hitler to make the point above. Even though Hitler was actually a Christian.
20. Remember that you don’t have to prove the existence of God, though the burden lies on you, the person who is making the claim.
21. Make the claim that you have an afterlife, so you can waste your life on Earth worshipping a God instead of the hundreds of other Gods out there.
22. If your conscience begins to bother you because of moral guilt you can numb it with the Bible. The Bible justifies a lot of the nasty stuff.
23. Everyday feel free to thank God that you’re saved – just in case.



I'd like to think I'm a good person, and I know most Muslims and Christians are actually good people. But so are a lot of atheists I know. So from the evidence so far, goodness has nothing to do with religion.

And yes, if you replace the Bible with the Quran, and Christians with Muslims, my reply would also make sense. Except of course. Hitler. He's still a Christian.

But again, Hitler being a Christian is not really a proof against Christianity, is it? If he was an atheist, it would also not be a proof against Atheism. I mean, Osama bin Laden is not the sole representative of the whole Muslim population. Funnily enough, people have been using Hitler as a retort to anything. The funniest one is actually against vegetarianism, when in fact the Fuhrer actually loved Bavarian sausages. Sure, he loved animals. Don't many of us?

Actually, I'm still on hiatus. Maybe. Is this the right time to come back? I don't know. We'll see.